NYCB's Janie Taylor Models Chloé

Can I Be Blunt? with Aubrey Plaza

I know, too soon, too soon. But just read it.

1. You’ll never know more about Judy Garland than I do. I have been obsessed since I was 10. And, no, not “Dorothy” Judy. I’m talking “1960s-singing-her-heart-out-at-the-fucking-Palace” Judy. Duh.

2. I don’t know what I would do without you. I definitely wouldn’t know about Manhunt, anal fissures, or where to get the best guacamole. 

3. Why is my Joy Behar impersonation the only one you ever ask me to do? (I know it’s good. Shut up.)

4. Stop trying to make me wear those quilted brown leather Phillip Lim hot pants. I’m scared, and you know it.

5. I wish you had real periods so we could eat chocolate Rice Dream and watch Hocus Pocus together.

6. Thank you for giving me the courage to finally have my vagina waxed. And thank you for being gentle.

7. Please let me have your babies. Even though I am a washed-up sea hag, my womb is young and clean and in really good shape. Please.

8. Can we open up a store together where we talk people out of buying things and then make them come to our dinner parties?

9. No more dressing like a slutty sailor.

10. Remember when we got stoned and saw The Blind Side twice in a row by accident? Let’s not do that again.

Men In Sweaters

Ladies, what is it about a man in a sweater? Look at any magazine and you will find a plethora of slick-haired women glistening with Estee Lauder essential oils and swathed in a floaty strips of cashmere, but every so often (as you will see), someone has the fine idea of putting a man in a sweater. And not just any sweater. A soft, fluffy, fleecy, downy sweater, preferably form-fitting with maybe a seductive zipper. It isn't rocket science, so why hasn't it been done more often? Men look good in sweaters: vests, shawls, wraps, cardigans, you name it. All they need are the essential oils.

Halloween: Fierce Like Martha

I never thought I'd say this, but seriously, Martha Stewart is fierce. Sure, her fondness for color-coding can be a tad constipated and, yes, she was once "indicted by the government," but guys, that was, like, once if you recall! What really matters is that Martha knows exactly how to throw together a kickass Halloween costume, and to top it off, she can do it in ten minutes, tops. Rose gardens, bird's nests, and beehives are all pretty damn nifty, but personally I think the Medusa hairdo is perfect for my scary-not-sexy policy. Snakes? Yes. Grecian hairdo? Yes. Icy blue shadow and an equally icy stare? Double Yes! Keep in mind that Martha's costume this year will blow everyone else's out of the water. Butterfly-winged lashes? Where can I get those?

Fall Baking Adventures

1. PB&J bars (Barefoot Contessa) 

Made with organic PB and Bonne Maman raspberry preserves.

 2. Blueberry Lemon Muffins (Barefoot Contessa) 

fresh blueberries, fresh lemons, not out of a mix = so much tastier.

 3. Vegan Chocolate Cupcake (Sketch-free Vegan Eating)  

You would never know the frosting is made with avocados. Shh... 

  4. Black Sesame Lemon Cookie (Martha Stewart)  

It's like a lemon poppyseed cookie, but with crunchy black sesame seeds.

  5. Chocolate Hazelnut Torte (Smitten Kitchen)  

If you like Nutella, you'll like this cake. Period.  

Candy Tasting with Poehler, Plaza, & Jones

"It feels like spider babies are being born in my mouth."

These women are just too cool.

Soul Pancake #9

We must remain as close to the flowers, the grass, and the butterflies as the child is who is not yet so much taller than they are. We adults, on the other hand, have outgrown them and have to lower ourselves to stoop down to them. It seems to me that the grass hates us when we confess our love for it. Whoever would partake of all good things must understand how to be small at times. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Soul Pancake #8

Sadness is easier because it's surrender. I say make time to dance alone, with one hand waving free. ~from Elizabethtown

The Works of Ed Ruscha

There was an article last week in the LA Times featuring Ed Ruscha, and I felt like I had to share some of his work, since I find pop art so idyllic and comforting. It's like entering a strange, silent world of soft, inky shadows. Very beautiful.